.febraury essence.

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.the lost boy.

it’s fight weekend and everybody is in vegas celebrating… everybody except me, of course, because i AM lost. or maybe it’s i lost. i didn’t want to believe it, but when the truth stares at you silence replies.

after kanye ran up on stage at the grammy’s, and i saw beyoncé’s response i felt in debt. i knew i had lost. i made a promise to myself for change and the world collapsed around me. my own mother, who had stood by my side for so long turned my father against me, then exposed herself after catching me listening to “heaven…” making me wonder, is heaven even listening??/  part of me always suspected, but the fight that song caused let it be known. it was a big fight, stretching twelve rounds itself, ending with her getting her boyfriend to help jump me, and me taking a trip to the hospital. proving some wounds will never heal, my choices were limited.
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.adrien broner vs. the st. halloween massacre.

since “beyoncé” the album has come out nobody who knows my backstory has let me sleep, because of “drunk in love” if nothing else. the song is called “drunk in lust” btw, and if not that “we be all night…” the love has been killed.

if you can’t tell, there were times i began to shun the truth just to get peace in my life. it’s not easy walking around being viewed as a rap God who releases a mixtape that only has three clicks on soundcloud. yeah jayz might of listened and jacked a bar or two, and even put em on the song as a diss but, he’ll never acknowledge it, and you’ll never believe it. still, it’s not easy to shun the truth when lebron moves back to cleveland and brings jayz, kendrick lamar, beyoncé, kevin hart, and the whole bandwagon with him for his homecoming, which i might have egged on.

i don’t go out in cleveland often because everybody there does look at me like a rap God, but i literally am walking, and i don’t like the funny stares i receive. but, if you say beyoncé is in my city; i AM going to have to go find her.

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.kevin hart sucks at cupid.

apparently, the hart in kevin means cupid. but, who believes in love anymore? i can’t really explain how much i love beyoncé without some beyHIVE member hyping themselves, it truly is a feeling i rather hide away beneath the surface sometimes.

we can all turn on the tv and see she has somebody else, complete with a family. none of that really matters to me, but it is what it is. i admit, all that forgiven i’d still like a day to meet her, just chill.  it’s like my whole life has revolved around the mysterious girl with the “superpowers,” it’d be better if we could just get it over with.

twenty.eleven’s closing: i decided to put my eggs in a basket and catch a watch the throne concert in seattle. i’ve seen kanye live before, but never jayz, and just knew with both of them together beyoncé was sure to be somewhere near. them beyoncé tickets sell out before they’re actually posted, so this might have been my only shot. i bought floor seats to make sure i had a view.

bey never showed up or, maybe i showed up too late. however i AM sure kanye west looked me dead in my eye and something strange started to happen. something that hasn’t happened to me in a long time. the whole atmosphere of the room changed. there they were, jayz and kanye west, two of the biggest rappers in the world on the stage but, i was about to tear the roof off that muthafucka! i needed her and was willing to take it to the moon and the stars to get her. that’s when it became clear, somebodies’ hiding her. Continue reading

.that one time i met future.

since everybody seems to be trippin out over my last couple of posts i feel the need to explain myself. i admit i have made some outlandish comments from calling mike tyson the greatest loser, to naming jayz tupac’s murderer, while calling kanye west a rapist and a murderer, then naming myself the new mike, and let’s not forget the aaliyah story i glossed over because it involved us fuckin. i suppose i need to explain myself.

i would have to take you back to around ninety.four for you to get a full glimpse, but i aint got that kind of time so we going to have to talk more recently. in the last post i explained how i met immature; me and romeo plotted on hooking up with destiny’s child and taking over the rap game. that didn’t quite work out for neither of us, but in twenty.thirteen i got my chance. Continue reading