i guess i AM at the age where important decisions need to be made in my life, though something tells me i AM past that. i don’t know about for you, but for me, the years go quicker than they did when i was nine. back then i was going to be an astronaut, an explorer of the unknown, a traveller of space, a knight in the last frontier. everybody grows up.
“you got me messed up if you think i’m going to be following you across the country, just living wherever,” words from my ex. she must of saw it in me; a desire for the world. i had to have it. all of it. in the palm of my hand.. they say that is man’s ego, the death of him. each year i see myself creep closer to demise, ignoring the calendar.
i must of lost sight some time ago, as i don’t even know where i AM at anymore. how did i allow myself here? what is the point in continuing this realm??/ the kinds of questions i have begun to ask myself drive past ‘what do i believe in,’ and bother ‘why???/’ the truth i live is a lie to this world, or perhaps it is my existence that is the lie. no one bothers.
i remember pledging my first neophytes into the frat and going with the name “big brother: rolling stone,” wherever i laid my hat was my home. here i AM, hat laid. do not ask me where it is at, i already told my i lost my sight. i presume i AM in the middle of nowhere. as; i have been everywhere in pursuit of love and it has lead me here, nowhere. now, i don’t know why i did it all.
i also remember being a child, being told that i could fly away to neverland if i just believed… now, i AM wishing that i would of have grown up. the changes in my face are apparent, but there’s still a kid inside of me that seeks the kind of thrills that can only be reached at the top of a rollercoaster or, by drinking a root beer float really fast until you get a brain freeze. it’s not a question of what i don’t want to do, but of what i only want to do.
this is the part where i fall to my knees and ask for guidance.
and please don’t remind.. aint shit pretty.