it’s fight weekend and everybody is in vegas celebrating… everybody except me, of course, because i AM lost. or maybe it’s i lost. i didn’t want to believe it, but when the truth stares at you silence replies.
after kanye ran up on stage at the grammy’s, and i saw beyoncé’s response i felt in debt. i knew i had lost. i made a promise to myself for change and the world collapsed around me. my own mother, who had stood by my side for so long turned my father against me, then exposed herself after catching me listening to “heaven…” making me wonder, is heaven even listening??/ part of me always suspected, but the fight that song caused let it be known. it was a big fight, stretching twelve rounds itself, ending with her getting her boyfriend to help jump me, and me taking a trip to the hospital. proving some wounds will never heal, my choices were limited.
i had already packed, knowing my home was no longer a home. i just grabbed my bag without a word, and left in the middle of the night. there was no where to go. there were no answers. there are no relatives. there are no friends. everyone was turned against me after a new years eve party that involved my fraternity brothers raping me with the help of my ex. i tried to tell but, i don’t think the cops even believed me. i’ve been ‘on the run’ since.
if i had my way i would be in vegas celebrating my immediate takeover of interscope with the release of my own secret album, and a pacman defeat. unfortunately, with the way things have panned out, i don’t get my way. regardless of whatever usher was singing about, that’s apparently not the way she likes it. we can talk about it whichever way we like, but the only way the story gets back to me is, i’ll never ever land. just like nobody cared about flint when it turned to nothing, nobody cares about the boy who lived there and; i AM sure nobody even cares if i live at this point.
if i fade to black it’s because aint nothing pretty.