.kevin hart sucks at cupid.

apparently, the hart in kevin means cupid. but, who believes in love anymore? i can’t really explain how much i love beyoncé without some beyHIVE member hyping themselves, it truly is a feeling i rather hide away beneath the surface sometimes.

we can all turn on the tv and see she has somebody else, complete with a family. none of that really matters to me, but it is what it is. i admit, all that forgiven i’d still like a day to meet her, just chill.  it’s like my whole life has revolved around the mysterious girl with the “superpowers,” it’d be better if we could just get it over with.

twenty.eleven’s closing: i decided to put my eggs in a basket and catch a watch the throne concert in seattle. i’ve seen kanye live before, but never jayz, and just knew with both of them together beyoncé was sure to be somewhere near. them beyoncé tickets sell out before they’re actually posted, so this might have been my only shot. i bought floor seats to make sure i had a view.

bey never showed up or, maybe i showed up too late. however i AM sure kanye west looked me dead in my eye and something strange started to happen. something that hasn’t happened to me in a long time. the whole atmosphere of the room changed. there they were, jayz and kanye west, two of the biggest rappers in the world on the stage but, i was about to tear the roof off that muthafucka! i needed her and was willing to take it to the moon and the stars to get her. that’s when it became clear, somebodies’ hiding her.

you remember when you were little and got caught stealing, you’d start making all kinds of promises to the God to never do it again just to avoid your mom’s lashing? i started doing that for beyoncé; promising if she let me see her, i’d love her forever, making sure she is always the freshest, pulling up in the hottest whips, hell, we we’re going to get bikes, i remember even promising to dance in the streets with her to show off how crazy in love we were. meanwhile, jayz was on stage stumbling over a simple two step. it seemed like people in the crowd had shifted their attention to me and wanted me to do something about the draining show. i honestly didn’t know what to do, i’ve been left behind. options limited, i did what pac would have done when he was first coming out, i turned the fuck up. there i was a boy from flint mi, repping cleveland, in seattle wa, there was no doubt –i get around. the show’s calmness returned, but kanye maintained a certain disgusts on his face and never returned to my side of the stage. i might of lost her.


while i was in nola working on the “untitled” documentary, i spent my off days working behind the scenes on studio films, one of them being “grudge match” directed by peter segal and starring sylvester stallone, robert de niro, kim basinger, and kevin hart. i was trying to find an agent at the time, but was being forced to take background spots.

everyone knows kevin is a jokester, so i was trying to get close to him because i got jokes too and thanks to twitter i know he seen one, except every time i looked at him or even thought about it for that matter, he immediately got on his phone and acted like the most important man in the world. this was about the time he released the frost without you video on real husbands of hollywood, a show i swear was my idea… but we’ll get into that later perhaps.

the gm casting director must of liked me because the crew kept trying to figure ways to get me on camera, or maybe i was just doing a good job keeping it cool. anyways.. they paired me with one of the cuties i had been talking to earlier in the week, and i was about to hype her up to get in the ring with me as; i was growing tired of being played with but, she was too preoccupied with the little midget behind me. i don’t invest excessive energy in women too often but, this one was kind of cute so i was giving her chance, and here she was trying to flirt with kevin hart right in my face. i told her definitely, “he don’t want you. he want me.” she couldn’t handle that truth and decided to be done with me. i turned around to see what kevin was doing, and he was drawing heart’s on his chest, pointing at me, while making fat gestures. real fucking funny. i knew exactly what he talking about and, it wasn’t true. i do not like fat girls!! matter of fact: the only time anyone has even seen me with a fat girl was at the watch the throne concert in seattle, which kevin was not in attendance. somebody had been talking shit.  he ran into the crowd to hide behind somebody bigger than him, causing me to damn near yell my next sentiments, “fuck them! and you can tell em where i AM at. i aint hiding. i AM right here.” stallone must of heard me get razzed or something, because he made kevin, “cut it out.” i was momentarily appeased.

now when i so emphatically said, “fuck em, and go to tell em” i thought he was going to go tell jayz or kanye. because, if either of them is hiding beyoncé from me we have beef immediately. and, if there is anybody who likes fat girls it is obviously kanye west; one glance at kim kardashian and it becomes blaringly obvious kanye is a chubby chaser. he has literally gassed that bitch into believing she is the perfect shape, the ideal woman. no.

it must’ve been about a week later, kevin went missing from the grudge match set and was spotted at a beyoncé concert calling her tinkerbell, the message had been delivered. his reaction was almost exactly what i planned, garnering a video that immediately went viral…

i instantly got the sense this was bigger than a watch the throne concert or some stupid rap beef that was budding between me and jayz. it was even bigger than me and beyoncé. i don’t know why she’d been in hiding but, i instantly knew… aint shit pretty.

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